Was it, or is it Love?
by Kawaiicani-chan
Summary: The magic trick was over, the illusion was over, my life was over. The world came crashing down on me, bullets came flying at me from various directions, and each one penetrated my heart. But that's just it, that was life and after a while I knew I had to accept it, because life is death, and that's just part of life.
1. Was it Love?

**Dear Diary,**

He wants to know why I won't cry. He'll push me into a corner and say stuff I know he doesn't mean. But why? Why would he go through so much trouble just to know why? It's because he's been hurt, betrayed, bullied, teased, and is lonely. He's been hurt to the point he didn't care, but I did.

He left then came back. Yet when he did come back he was different. His body was not weak and frail as it used to be, in fact of anything he was now lean and strong. His personality was teasing, not in a fun, and flirtatious way, but in a rude and uncaring way. His once goofy and cute smile, was turned into a smirk. But of all things what scared me the most was his eyes. What once used to be full of playfulness and laughter, is now glazed over with a devious and deadly aura.

My best friend is what he was. Yes, it's true that he was weak or so I thought. We could talk, open up to each other, even share our deepest secrets. However when he came back, he wasn't open, and innocent like he once was. He was cold, and quite annoying if I say so myself. He was certainly not my Laxi-Sama, he is now simply Laxus.

**"I want to hold your hand,**

**But you are the moon, **

**And I am the sun.**

**We will never collide."**


	2. Laxus?

**Kawaiicani-chan: Ohayo Minna, I'm back. So sorry I couldn't post last night according to my computer teacher I only have 50 gwam... but hey I got it posted tonight so no ****complaining. **

**Lucy: It's okay Cani-Chan, we understand anyways I heard you have to take three more tests tomorrow... Fun... sarcasm intended.**

**Kawaiicani-chan: Yes Lu-Chan I do in fact have three tests tomorrow but Iv'e studied and I think I will do well. Anyways, so I hear you in Laxus are gettin into it today.**

**Lucy: Cani-Chan, of course you heard about that you wrote the script.**

**Laxus: Wow way to throw me into the conversation... Besides why did you have to make me look like the bad guy?**

**Kawaiicani-chan: It's okay, Laxus I swear you have a reason for everything, plus I think you get into a few fights to save Lucy later on so then you will be the good guy.**

**Laxus: Well, I don't really have a choice but any ways since I guess we have to go on into the story... (sighs) As kawaii as Cani-Chan is Cani-Chan sadly does not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters as much as she wishes she did, Hiro Mashima does.**

I lightly brush away my long golden locks, ever since Laxus told me he liked me with long hair I had begun to grow it out. Which was what five years ago? My hair is now long, and wispy it reaches a bit past elbow length, and I have a brush of light bangs at the side. I have long since outgrown my bangs since he left.

Reaching down to unlock the lock on my locker I hear a familiar voice call out my name. "Hey Luce, meet me after school! Ok?!" I turn around just in time to see a flash of pink hair, that is surprisingly not dyed. That annoying pink hair happens to belong to one of my best friends, Natsu

Natsu is that one guy in class whom constantly picks fights, and will bother you for hours at a time. He is also a dense idiot who just can't realize that one of his closest childhood friends likes him. Which bothers me a lot he can be very obstinate at times. Anyways the girl who likes him's name is Lisanna.

Lisanna is a cheerleader here at Fairy High, and as much as it makes me mad at how annoyingly sweet she is at times, she's actually a really nice person. She has short silvery hair, and is very petite, gorgeous is what she is. I would have to say there's only one person prettier than Lisanna, and that would be her sister Mira Jane or Mira as everyone calls her.

Mira is the head cheerleader of the cheer squad and is undeniably perfect. Whether your talking about her silvery white hair that comes down mid length with a bit of hair at the top, or her curves, and beautifully innocent smile. Now of course theres always that one thing that bothers people and her's just happens to be friends. No I don't mean she gets annoyed easily by her friends I mean don't mess with her friends. Because, she can go all demon on you in seconds. Thats why some people call her the demon Mira. Then she also has a brother named Elfman of course he is a total opposite of Mira.

Elfman... well he is quite the strange case. First off he constantly screams 'man or 'he's a real man,' one time I actually think he called me a man. I wasn't very happy seeing as that I'm a women, but Evergreen, Elfman's secret lover hit him over the head.

Evergreen of coarse then traces back to Laxus. Evergreen is part of a friendship group called Raijinshuu. Two others named Bixlow and Freed are a part of it. They have been Laxus's fans ever since he came back. They practically follow him every where he goes and they do whatever he says.

Bixlow is some creepy pervert that always sticks his tongue out. He also for some reason calls me Cosplayer.

Freed on the other hand is quite the opposite. He is polite and is nice and sweet. There's only one thing he needs to learn and that would be personal space. He literally clings to Laxus, it's like he's gay or something... No that can't be right I'm pretty sure he has a thing for Mira. Either way I would say Freed is by far the most attached to Laxus... Creepy.

I finish unlocking my locker and fumble getting out my math binder, because I'm still holding my lunchbox, I accidentally drop my binder spilling my math notes everywhere around my locker.

I franticly grab for all my papers and I'm about to grab my last one, when a very large foot, probably a size twelve, steps on my hand. I mean it didn't hurt that much but it did hurt a bit.

Surprisingly I know who it is without even looking up. I quickly put my binders into the locker with currently the only hand accessible, then slightly nudge his foot with the same hand. He slowly lifts up his foot, but as suddenly as he came, he jerked me up by my armpits. H-he had never done that before, and it of course frightened me a lot.

He brought me up till we were eye to eye in which case I still refused to look at him. My mistake. He brought me down to my feet, and snarled... Wait he snarled? Wow ok, I have absolutely no idea what is going on.

"Hey, Blondie?" he asks.

"Ummmm... Yeah?" I pitifully answer back.

To be honest my fear of him is completely understood by the rest of the school.

First off, he threatens pretty much every kid that comes in his way, whether it be in the hallway or telling on him. For example last month there was this student, I think his name was Droy, who told his parents Laxus was being a bully to him. Of course like any good parent they called the school. Laxus got a three day suspension, but a week later the same kid who was bullied got in a "fight," with a broken arm and nose. He also wouldn't tell with who, and that clearly brought rumors in the school.

Second off, he looks scary. Throwing around that glare practically scares off every kid in school.

Lastly, his grandpa is the headmaster of this school. Of course the one thing that bothers me though is how on Earth is Laxus sooooo tall he's like a giant compared to his grandpa. What I mean is, Master Macarov, the headmaster, is literally a midget in a midget.

In the midst of my thoughts I hear him snap next to my ear, "Lucy did you hear me? I said 'meet me after school I have to tell you something...'"

Why? Why on Earth would Laxus, the guy that has been harassing me ever since he changed, want to see me this afternoon.

Wait... Oh no... I have to also meet Natsu after school... They DO NOT like each other.

I muster up the courage to look into his eyes, "La-Laxus, I c-can't," and somehow as I stare into his eyes I get lost into a trance of blue and gray. It seems as if they are full of care, and a forgotten longing. That couldn't be right he is the same who just stepped on my hand only moments ago. Well... I guess this is really the longest conversation that we've ever had without it being full of hateful words.

Suddenly his eyes grew cold like it used to be.

Scared I attempted to pass by him, earning a glare, and a callused hand, to grip my nimble wrist that wobbled ever so slightly out of fear.

"Why?" he asked.

Answering back with a short but solid answer seemed to be the best idea, "Natsu..." I pushed his hand that had a grip on my wrist like a python, yet came off so easily if I wanted it to. I turned around and walked the other direction, towards my next class while grabbing my backpack and closing my locker. I walked off trembling at the thought of after school, and what was going to happen.

That's when I hear a snarl and a growl that faintly but clearly said, "Natsu."

**Hey Minna, okay so this is my new story.**

**I do know that I had the same intro as before,**

**but the point was, **

**you can follow either one,**

** but I believe I will work on this one more.**

**anyways I would really appreciate if you continued to comment,**

**because I'm 13,**

** and quite frankly I don't get very much ****encouragement in my life.**

**I would also like to announce that I am very proud of what I wrote.**

**First off I have been working on sentence structure with my teacher,**

**and it's worked out okay.**

**Second off, I have school**

** and am trying to keep all A's and continue to work on this as well.**

**So I'm sorry if I don't update to much.**


	3. Is it Love?

Dear Diary,

Am I in love? Is it consequently possible that I can fall in love with a man who teases and harasses me? No, surely not. that couldn't be right because the man I have fallen in love with... Is well... He's Laxus.

Could it be the mere thought of love is why I can't stand to be around him? Why I tremble, every time I see his beautiful stormy blue eyes.

Why is it me? Why do I have to contain all of these unsettling thoughts inside myself.

Why am I afraid of asking what has happened to him? What could have possibly brought him to the point of breaking like this?

Why? Why? Why?

The questions are the why, the how, the when. Why?

It's disturbing. I think about him at night, at day, I think of him when I wake up.

I ask myself, 'why do I want to know,' 'why do I ask why when I already know the answer.'

The answer is not because I need to know why, in fact I'm sure I would never need to know why for an absolute reason besides my curiosity. The unsettling thoughts that disturb my sleep that keep me tossing and turning every night, is simply because of my want. My curiosity, my desire to know everything about the world.

Every body wants something. Everybody loves something. Everybody cares for something. All of these things fall into the same category. No, I can not tell you what that category is, because I myself does not know what it is. I can ask, I can pretend, but I can't know.

Is it life, could this want be wanted enough to drive you through the course of humanity, can it make you live for that one thing? Do you wake up every morning thinking about that one person or item? Yes, it is possible but what always comes after life?

Death, death is the world's one true sorrow. The one thing possible that can bring out a rainbow of emotions in a person.

I know this because I had life once. I could wake up every morning to the smell of bacon, and the soothing voice of the one person who gave me true love, my mother. She gave me everything I thought I needed to survive.

This time wasn't real, and honestly it still isn't real. It was only an illusion. It was a fake, my life then, I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't know what was happening. Then it happened, the magic trick was over and the illusion was over, my life was over. The world came crashing down on me, bullets came flying at me from various places and each one penetrated my heart and I crumbled. So many people would stop, give their condolences but would never pick me back up. Even Father, but he was a different case, he changed, he changed so much it was scary.

But that's just it, that was life and after a while I knew I had to except it because life is death and thats just how life is. It's a crude game, life that is, and because of that I wonder if God loves me. I wonder if anybody loves me.

After life then death, after waiting months for someone to pick me back up, I was greeted with life again. Of course inside this life was death, and his name was Laxus. A sick boy that he was, but he knew I was hurting, and I knew he was hurting.

He brought me back from the grave, he picked me up and brought me back to humanity. For that I will be in his debt forever and whole-fully. Was it love? Maybe, but I know for certain that it can never be true love unless they love you back. And that was then, and this is now. Long ago I told myself I would never cry again because I knew that crying won't help me. But people can and out of the billions of the people in the world only one person did. Now I know that the question should never be was it love, but is it love?


	4. Notice the Notice?

**Ohayo Minna-San,**  
><strong>I'm very sorry I haven't updated lately,<strong>  
><strong>but I got a C on my report card,<strong>  
><strong>and my mom has been making me work harder on my studies.<strong>  
><strong>I also wanted to apologize for putting the Natsu tag in there,<strong>  
><strong>but I was planning on putting Nalu in there so...<strong>  
><strong>but I'm going to leave that up to you guys,<strong>  
><strong>so please comment <strong>  
><strong>if you would like me to consider putting Nalu in there <strong>  
><strong>or completly take it out.<strong>  
><strong>Because I would like to make all my readers happy.<strong>  
><strong>Once again please comment on what you would like me to do.<strong>  
><strong>-sincerly, Kawaiicani-chan<strong>

**Ummm ok Minna-San not quite sure what just happened there, **

**My computer is really jacked up so gomen.**


	5. Fight Me?

**Kawaiicani-chan: Hello Minna-San, so sorry I haven't updated in like forever. I actually had more story written it's just it didn't go with this chapter so I have decided to put it in next chapter. Thank you so much for all of the kind reviews and sorts it makes me very happy.**

**Lucy: Wow Cani-Chan you really didn't write that much, but it's okay less script for me to memorize.**

**Kawaiicani-chan: Thanks Lu-Chan, such kind words it makes me feel so great about myself, all sarcasm intended by the way.**

**Natsu: Hey, why do you keep calling me an idiot, it hurts my feelings.**

**Lucy: Well Natsu it may be because you are an idiot.**

**Natsu: Thanks, Luce now I'm hurt by you too.**

**Gray: So when is Natsu's diary gonna be in this because you already have Lucy's in here.**

**Lucy: I feel really insicure about everybody reading my diary.**

**Kawaiicani-chan: Actually Gray I was going to do a diary for Laxus one time then Natsu. But just to add some manliness to it I think I'm just going to have it as there thoughts instead.**

**Gray and Natsu: I'm going to say it! No I'm going to say it! (begins to fight in the background like a dustball.)**

**Lucy: Too bad guys, I'm going to say it! As amazingly kawaii as Cani-Chan is Cani-Chan does not own Fairy Tail or any of the characters as much as she wishes she did Hiro Mashima does! Thank you.**

**Natsu: That's not cool Luce.**

That's when I hear a snarl and a growl that faintly but clearly said, "Natsu."

I continue to walk away, frantically worrying about what was to come next. I mean for real, 'Ladies and gentlemen lets follow Lucy Heartfilia on her epic journey to finally get the, angry, over dramatic, annoying bastard to calm down. Now now I know this might be a little to much for you but...' Ya I'm finished playing this stupid game.

I know this sounds terrible like I'm the worst person ever but life was so much more simple when Laxus was gone. Nobody would bully me no one would step on my hand, and I'm not going to name names or anything, *cough* 'Laxus' *cough* but now life is so complicated.

However when he first came back I didn't even realize it was him, he was so different, certainly not any nicer but God is he HOT now. Ok then Lucy you're starting to worry yourself... Anyways I got a little off track there but I am not kidding Laxus is hot. With his six pack and soft blonde hair, with his muscular arms and sexy smirk, Jesus Lucy you have problems.

Luckily I'm at Ms. Carla's classroom now, I walk towards the door slowly and softly open it.

Everybody looks my way, literally everybody. "Lucy?" this is clearly Erza talking, I know that because she has this tone that has mixed feeling combinations, like worry with anger, and a bit I'm going to kill that man if he hurt you.

Sometimes I wonder if shes bipolar, because from a very scary experiance I saw Natsu accidently knock over Erza's cake once, and she turned all demon on us in seconds. She wasn't even all worked up before either, in fact I'm pretty sure she had been flirting with Jellal only moments before.

However Erza's very pretty with her scarlet hair and brown eyes that sparkle with beauty and dicipline. Yes I did just say dicipline, Erza is actually head of the dicipline commity, which clearly makes her and Jellal the perfect match because Jellal is part of the school council. Eeeep they are both so perfect for each other, I mean for real they obviously have a thing for each other, it's so cute because Erza is never shy around anyone except for Jellal.

Well back to the point, what I was failing at trying to say is rumors fly FAST around this school, saying that, that means the whole class knows about Laxus already. Isn't that just fine and dandy, I get to be the latest gossip, sadly it's pitty gossip, everyone is saying 'wow I feel so bad for Lucy,' 'Wow Laxus is such a jerk,' 'Thank goodness I'm not her.' Man doesn't this just make me feel better, all sarcasm intended.

"Ummm, yeah I'm fine Erza just a little run in with Laxus... Thats all." I said quickly as I scanned the room for a certain pink haired idiot.

"Hey Luce," I finally saw him as he yelled across the room, sadly Natsu can be too loud a lot of the time, causing unwanted attention that I currently did not need at the moment.

"Yes Natsu?" I gestured for him to just get on with it because I really did not want to hear it right now. I just wanted to go home and take a nap. Which is probably not going to happen any time soon.

He walked over to me, "Well someone said they saw Laxus pick you up by the shirt earlier and I was wondering what that was all about." He brushed a piece of hair behind my ear and quietly said, "Remember Luce if you ever need me to beat up that stupid guy then I'm here for you." Natsu flashed one of his stupid grins.

Gray walks into the room clueless to what had happened, "Hey Lucy. What's up Flame Brain."

"Who you calling Flame Brain, Ice Prick?"

"Wow your so stupid you didn't even know I was talking to you." I sigh as they start to get into it again. How annoying, that one sensational moment that Natsu had got ruined by them fighting.

I used to have this really big crush on Natsu, but after a while I figured out that Lisanna liked him. She actually told me in person, we were playing truth or dare with a bunch of girls and so she confessed. It was really sweet she really cares for him so I decided to just give up.

"Laxus?"

I turned around and there stood Laxus staring right at me.

"Laxus, fight me, you'll pay for what you did to Lucy."

**Hello Minna-San,**

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever,**

** but I actually had more to the story**

** it's just I decided to save that for the next chapter.**

**I may not update for a while,**

**Iv'e kind of lost my vibe.**

**If you would all please review,**

**it would be greatly appreciated.**

**Every time someone does review,**

**You have no idea how happy it makes me.**

**So please do.**


	6. The Other Notice?

**Hey Minna-San,**  
><strong>To be honest I don't feel very encouraged ,<strong>  
><strong>and I don't know what to do.<strong>  
><strong>I have been trying to complete the next chapter,<strong>  
><strong>but for one I haven't found the time.<strong>  
><strong>I have been wasting my time going to a bunch of stupid parties.<strong>  
><strong>I'm not really one to make excuses<strong>  
><strong>so I kinda feel bad doing this,<strong>  
><strong>but my grades have not been doing very good,<strong>  
><strong>and my collage life depends on what I'm doing in math this year.<strong>  
><strong>Yes I am in 8th grade but I'm in the accelerated course so it will count.<strong>  
><strong>Anyways I just want you guys to know that your reviews really help me,<strong>  
><strong>and if the people who haven't reviewed could review.<strong>  
><strong>Not only are reviews important for future references<strong>  
><strong>but they also increase my confide<strong>**nce,**

**and give me a boost to write.**

**I don't think some of you understand how important it is to us writers**

**but it is critical to get some sort of feedback.**

**Anyways thank you. :)**

**-_Sincerely, Kawaiicani-chan_**


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